My ego finds the idea very interesting. The rest of me is trying to beat it into submission and silence. I still love the idea of blogging, but I’m having a devil of a time finding the time to do it. Add the fact that I’m not really playing any MMOs (or any other game) right now and you get a big fat nothing to write about and very little time in which to write it.
Sometimes Facebook is just easier.
I can’t believe I just wrote that.
And yet my ego wants me to tell you all about myself (again) for no particular reason other than its own pleasure. Perhaps confessing the kinky temptation will make it go away. Thirty lashes for the ego and get back to work, dammit!**
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*As an aside, the demise of Google reader appears to be spelling the demise of my blog reading. Feedly is okay, but it’s not as clean as Google Reader. There’s also the fact that I don’t have time to read blog posts these days, which might be the more important factor. Still, I don’t like change. Boo hiss. I’ll get used to Feedly but I’ll complain about it first.
**As another aside, one of the characters in a play-by-mail game I ran years ago (or it may have been one I played in) was a Spanish knight called Ivor Hujego. Loved that name. Still do. May have to steal it for a game someday, even if it means I have to transgender it to Iva Hujugo or something.
Whoops. The actual blog ‘birthday’ was a month ago, August 13th. I noted that it was coming up a couple of days before the day itself and meant to do a long and involved post, but in the end Real Life took over and… I didn’t.
TAGN sort of reminded me the other day, because his blog-birthdays can’t be counted on the fingers of one fingerless hand and he posts regularly – more than Syp at the moment, and that’s saying something!
Happy belated also to Harbinger Zero, who I’m pretty sure has almost the same anniversary as me, since we both started blogging through the crazy CoW crew (should that have Ks in it to make it more hip?).
So anyway, I started this blog 4 years ago in honour of Warhammer Online. I’d be happier doing a HBD post-type thing if I’d actually posted much of anything in the last year and a half, but I haven’t and it feels sort of like cheating to claim a blogging year when you didn’t do any blogging.
Nevertheless, I’m not gone yet, this blog isn’t quite dead yet, and I’ve resumed posting, albeit sporadically and without a great deal of content. Thanks to those of you who have stopped by in the last fingers-but-no-thumb set of years.
There — I think you’ve been warned enough that this is an ego post. Look away! Fly, you fools!
If you’re still reading, I’ll try to keep it brief. (By my own measure. You know, the one where 2500 words isn’t much.)
The MMORPG.com gig is starting to grind my gears a little. For one thing I am so running out of things to write about it’s not funny. For another, most of the time the people who read the column just want to fling poo, usually at me but often just at each other, and while I don’t read them all that often it still makes me want to wash my face and brush my teeth whenever I do. I miss the smart people here and wish I were more motivated to post on my own blog even though there’s no filthy lucre involved for doing so (and yes, I need the filthy lucre these days).
Today, someone made the effort to message me over there to make sure I’d actually read their comment on a recent column. Which essentially boiled down to “You’re okay even if you are totally up your own arse and you never consider anyone else’s point of view!” — which I happen to think is entirely unfair. I’m very likely up my own arse but I am nonetheless always aware of other points of view; I just don’t feel obligated to do more than mention them in passing if they’re not relevant to a column that is actually supposed to be, well, about MY experiences. Okay, player experiences in general, but I’m not doing a standup sketch in the style of Bill Bailey parodying Eddie Izzard doing James Mason (err, sounding like James Mason. You know what I mean.).
My byline or whatever those text blurbs are called: “[snip] discussing topics important to her as a long time player of MMORPGs”. Seems unambiguous to me as far as mandates go.
I’m also a little weirded-out by the responses the columns get. Most of the time something I think will get loads of comments just drops like a
resting parrot dead duck, and stuff I think will evoke maybe a yawning agreement or two over coffee makes a bunch of ageing farts like me come out of the closet and join the Old Fart Gamer Pride March. Once or twice I’ve written something intentionally polemical, though the utter shit-storm over the SW:TOR post took me aback a little — then I read some of the comments and realised that most people were, as usual, commenting on something entirely irrelevant or entirely not under my control (like why the discussion thread was in the News forum), so I stopped reading them and almost immediately felt human again. Early on I wrote something I thought was going to be polemical and it sank like a dead whale shark, which was interesting if not entirely instructive.
Thing is, I don’t really know what’s going to be polemical and I don’t really want to. I’m not particularly cutting-edge and I don’t particularly like to stir shit-storms (debates, sure), so I don’t do it much. And it feels odd to think that I probably ought to be trying to do that more for the column gig, because if there’s one thing polemic and shit-storms do it’s generate hits, which is exactly what the site wants and, um, exactly what they’re paying me for. It’s just not something I like doing or something I’m good at. I’m good at rambling and… uh, rambling. I ramble really well. I could ramble in the Olympics! But polemic — not so much.
So these days I kind of feel like the old lady trying to sell lace doilies in the corner of a leather gear store — not bad for business per se, but a little out of place and all the dominatrixes look at me funny as they walk past browsing the new whips. And I decided to whinge about it here, because empty though it is this is still my place and I can write what I want, when I want.
I’ve been pondering the ethics of whether to leave the comments open on this post, because I see it more as a vent-post than a baby-seal cry for sympathy, but I’ll leave em open anyway. I’m not too proud to accept a pat on the back, though now that I’ve vented I’ve kind of done that for myself already. If you want to say something nice, go ahead. If you want to fling poo, I’ll fling it back, because this is still my place and I can do that if I want. That was my Cartman voice, by the way.
Actually, it’s why Harbinger Zero blogs, but he may as well have been channeling me — and a number of other bloggers I know — when he wrote it. Here’s a snippet; clicky the linky if you want to read the rest.
HZero is a blogging site dedicated to bringing you insights into the world of MMORPG’s from someone who has been playing them for a long time now. Sometimes those insights are my own, sometimes they belong to another. Most of the time, its a blending of those two things.
HZero is a site dedicated to bringing you my opinion. Not yours. You are welcome to post up with an agree or disagree and why.
Apart from the fact that I have zero interest in doing interviews (sorry!), Mr H-Z pretty much took those words right out of my mouth.
I’ve only been blogging a couple of years, which isn’t much in real time but is probably a geological epoch in Internet years. I started blogging because… well, because a bunch of people in Casualties of War were blogging and I didn’t want to stand out from the crowd; also, it seemed like fun, I’d had a bloglike (like a roguelike only more bloggish) over at LiveJournal for a while, it seemed like fun, and I like to write. I’ve got opinions and I don’t mind sharing them and I really don’t give a shit whether people think they’re worth sharing or not — which is the beauty of this newfangled intarwebs. I can post what I please, how I please, at whom I please: if other people like it, that’s like extra bananas, but if they don’t I can still do it and at least please myself. Eeexcellent.
Apparently I am now an eleeeeeeeet! blogger, too. I hadn’t actually thought about that when I commented on HZero’s post, though in hindsight it does seem somewhat disingenuous — and the reason I’m mentioning it now is not to really ram home how freaking leet I am, but rather to point out that leetness, at least in the blogging world, seems to be a case of either excellent self-promotion (which I lack) or sheer unadulterated luck (which apparently I don’t lack). Content doesn’t hurt either.
The Massively Top-10 Blogs nod I still don’t understand, because there are dozens of worthier blogs out there — except that presumably my style pleasethed (it’s a word) the author. If you don’t care about someone’s blogging voice then you won’t get this, but one of the main reasons I read Righteous Orbs is not because they’re orb-like or righteous, but because Tamarind can ramble even more than me and that’s saying something. I may write walls of text (not so much lately), but Tam writes Great Walls Of Fucking China text and you’ll LIKE it! And I really do like it. Doesn’t matter what the RO crew (is two people a crew?) is talking about — they could be describing the curative properties of the Toadswallop herb — it’ll be entertaining. So yeah, voice and writing style matter, and I suspect that’s why I have most of the readers I do have. Certainly not for my incisive insights of my up-to-the-second news content.
As for the MMORPG gig — I’m still half-convinced that’s JoBildo’s way of getting back at me for some sin I don’t even remember. I’ll give you back your pants, I promise! The fact that Monsieur Jennings had a column there (which I miss) in no way influenced my decision — oh and while we’re talking about him, there’s a blogging style I enjoy right there, and there’s content, so it’s like a double dose of blogging goodness on every post.
I’m still rather on the fence about the value of said gig, though the fact that it’s paying for my game subs probably doesn’t hurt, and the people involved are lovely. Props to the Amazing Picture-Finding Person! And that MMORPG crowd… it’s a different place out there, whole different set of people, passing faces I don’t really know and am not always sure I want to know. It’s more akin to posting on one of the Great Old Forums (you know, the ones with tentacles — FoH, F13, etc.) than it is to posting on this blog, so in that sense it makes for an interesting contrast. We’ll see. (Which is Texan for “HELL no!” by the way, and English for “I think you’re full of shit but I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt.” As in, this epicurean delicacy sort of tastes like vinegar mixed with poo but if you tell me it’s a treat for the tastebuds I shall try it one more time and we’ll see.)
And now for a short WoW update, mostly because I have some screenies to share. Eloise is now within spitting distance of level 80, and if you’d told me a month ago that this would be the case, I’d have laughed in your face. What me, level?! But here it is, and here I am, with a less badass but more kickass bow and a totally kickass pet who really shouldn’t be hungry as often as he is given that he is a damned ghost! (Yes, yes, I have the right talents, plz don’t talent-build me. This is hyperbole and yes, I have plenty of feeding fish too.) Speaking of pets, I still haven’t named him. Been using the names of Romantic Poets for my cat pets — don’t ask, it makes sense to me, all right? — but… I’m not sure. All the good ones I already used. I guess I could phase over to neo-romanticism but isn’t that getting just a little obscure, even for me? Oh well. In the meantime, it remains Spirit Beast the Uninspired.
The journey has been a lot of fun and I’m not done yet! Some pix.
My old gryphon reminded me of someone, I just wasn’t quite sure who. And the crowd goes wild!
The Grizzly Hills… not for the faint of heart or weak of bladder. Lines around the block I tell ya!
And finally, goat-punting — all the fun of gnome-punting and none of those pesky lawsuits and mechanical-ninjas breaking into your house at night!
I’ve just rediscovered that trying to work while sick is a pain in the noggin. My brain feels like it’s made of blancmange and the simplest, most obvious things… aren’t. That’s probably about a dozen noobish work-mistakes I’ve made just this morning.
In other news, I may have to move this blog and host it myself so I can integrate some kind of comment-captcha system. The spamapalooza of pron sites (I can recommend a few now, that’s for sure) continues unabated and now they’ve found my more recent posts, so I can’t simply turn comments off and hope they will eventually give up. I actually thought they had given up, but I guess even spammers take the weekend off.
Bastards. I hateses them!
Right now, however, the thought of trying to do a WP install with my blancmange-brain is just daunting. I’ll put it off and keep hitting the Empty All on my spam-bucket button.
For this blog, that’s a lot. 2-3 spam comments a day is about normal. But a hundred… ouch. So if there was a genuine comment amid the endless exhortations to log on to porn sites, I didn’t see them. Sorry! Too busy checking out pron, dontcha know.
And now for something completely different.
For reasons best known only to themselves, I’ve been asked to contribute a column to MMORPG.com.
For reasons best known only to the Mi-Go, I accepted.
A couple of hours after I’d accepted, my brain went AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! And has been doing the same for the last couple of days, albeit at a slightly lower, background volume. Me? A column on a proper site for proper readers? (Sorry guys – I know you’re all cardboard cutouts, I just didn’t want to say anything.) They’re going to eat me alive! It’s a shark pool over there!
While my initial goal was just to share the news with the small weird dedicated readership of this blog and assure you it’s not going to stop me posting here — you know, at the huge volume I’ve been putting out in the last couple of months — I am also unashamedly looking for pats on the back. I’m scared spitless! Only real bloggers do big-site column thingies, and I’ve never actually considered myself a real blogger — just a fringe onlooker occasionally making comments on what interests me. And writing to deadlines? Aieeee, that’s going to hurt. I have enough of those in my RL work.
So there you have it. The big-time beckons and I’m certain I’m going to catch my glitzy new high heels on the red carpet and splat my non-raiding ass all over the floor. The journalists will have a field day!
On the other hand, it’s much more likely that nobody will notice. Which, come to think of it, might actually be worse.
I’ll let you know when I have a column name and URL and whatnot. But first I need another Valium or three.