If I had a Hammer…

of Stupid Person Ownage (because magic wands are for sissies), there are several player-types in WAR I’d use it on today. Mostly observed in scenarios.

1. The “Go back to WoW” sarcastic god of the rapier-like putdown, often delivered 3 seconds into a scenario when, say, a hapless newbie healer (the only one on our side) says they’ll do their best to keep people alive. Seen in every game but WoW, which makes me wonder — what do they say in WoW? Go back to diku-MUD? I’m writing names down now, on my very own Averheim Asshat List. One day, maybe I’ll post them.

2. The “Healers don’t heal!” whiner. Usually, but not always, a bright wizard so incapable of managing their own mechanic that they all but kill themselves in the first 30 seconds. Stop grunting your little AOEs out for fire-points and your life expectancy will triple. Also seen in PvE when they intentionally aggro everything within 3 miles and then wonder why the healer stood by and laughed. Duh. If it wasn’t intentional… why do so many trigger-happy idiots pick bright wizards? Gives the whole career a bad name, it really does.

3. The “Order always loses!” whiner. Often resentful, occasionally sad, always wrong. Try spending a little less time in scenario chat asking why Order always loses and a bit more time actually playing. Alternately, keep win-loss records and see if the whine is accurate. If it is, maybe ask yourself if it’s the side… or if it’s the side you’re on.

4. The other archetype whiners — “Tanks didn’t tank!” and “Where’s the DPS?” Try spending a little less time worrying what other classes aren’t doing and a little more time figuring out what you could do better, mkay?

5. Last but certainly not least, the scenario drop-outs (“Go back to beauty school!”). Doing it in public quests is one thing — groups are easy come, easy go, even if you did just show up for the hero and somehow snaffle the single blue reward bag that’s dropped in 18 hours. Doing it in scenarios because you don’t like the look of the opposition, or the nasty but kinkily attractive Witch Elf took your lolly away too fast is the coward’s way out.

Thus, I smite thee with my Hammer of Stupid Person Ownage in the hope that the headache will be enough to keep you from any scenarios I do ever again.

Sadly the hammer seems to have run out of charges. I smite, and still they whine.

12 responses to “If I had a Hammer…

  1. My ranting and raving against Scenarios and the people who play them has reached broken record/dead horse levels so I’ll refrain from that comment.

    But I was playing Destruction on Ostermark this weekend and was in fact doing scenarios (is it any wonder people do them… I did one scenario and gained almost a whole level down in the lowbie zones… level 4 or 5) and experienced the same Stupid Person commentary, except of course that “Destruction always loses” replaced “Order always loses”.

    My favorite is the guy who does a running commentary on how bad others are playing… let’s face it, if you’re typing more than a word or two in a scenario then you aren’t carrying your weight!!

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  2. Oh aye — anything said on Order side can be pasted onto Destruction side with only minimal alterations. That’s part of what amuses me about it.

    I’m not really irate. I just had the hammer song in my mind this morning and figured I’d use it constructively. 😉

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  3. Ha ha!

    I know I must have fallen some of these categories once in a while. Somtimes I lose my laisez faire attitude and a short blurt escapes the censorship department. I trust you will keep me in line! 😉

    Keep dropping some comments here and there like yesterday. I need to learn to adapt to others playstyles as well 🙂 I tend to be like a bull in a china shop at times and appreciate the occasional comment that snaps me out of my little corner of the game world! Just keep reminding me here and there when I need to operate differently. Those long years in EQ1 are hard to break sometimes 😦

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  4. I jumped in a couple scenarios last night. First time I’ve played in a week. It was a positive experience for once. In Phoenix Gate I captured the flag and turned it in for points at least twice per run through. I got a tell from someone who said…

    “Finally!!! Someone who knows how to play this scenario. That was the first time we’ve won all night.”

    I can understand it being frustrating when you lose, and that it is even *more* frustrating when people flat out don’t know the objective of a scenario.

    I shoot out a message when I first get into a scenario asking if everyone at least knows the objectives. Helping out instead of whining helps *you* more than it helps *them*.

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  5. I had a recent, “the healers in the SC suck,” (I was the only healer hehe). I waited till I had died and responded to the idiot that a) its hard to heal whilst taking a dirt nap (destro was targeting me like flies on s***), b) hard to heal someone who runs around like a little boy with ADHD, and c) instead of taking the time to tell folks what they’re doing wrong how about concentrating on teh task at hand.

    At the end of the SC I had healed 57k +……

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  6. Pish and tush, Sarz. You’re an ex hardcore player and I’m the EXACT opposite. Any more casual and I’d deliquesce (word for the day!). It’s not so much a speed thing — I can get stuff done pretty fast when I get going — as a pacing thing… gah and it’s hard to explain.

    So I won’t! I’m a bloody blogger now, I have to keep the good stuff for posts. Damn you all for reading!

    Though I may muse about the pacing of people’s playstyles tomorrow, that’s always interested me. Assuming I don’t forget. WTB more wetware RAM please.

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  7. Well im a 34 Bright wizard and when I see in serpants the opposition is a bunch of 24/7 playing level 40’s and my healer is trying to dps while im hiding behind a rock with 200 hp without a single heal the first five minutes.. yea im leaving.

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  8. Heh, Antisocialistic — I’m aiming mostly at the lower tiers. By T4 I’m pretty sure BWs know their own mechanic… that or they’ve been really, really lucky for 30+ levels. 😉

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  9. Hee hee…Hammer of Stupid Person Ownage.

    Was in RvR and that would have come in handy. Am busy helping keep tanks alive against bosses when I keep getting random tells to rez left and right. Let’s see, let tank die or rez you…hmm, tough choice.

    Thanks for the link and…where is the haiku???

    :p I demand the promised haiku (though for the best epic haiku thread ever is the Shaman thread on the WOW forums. Never has whinging been so entertaining).

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  10. Much love to Phoe of Averheim. When we were in the Mourkain Temple, he dropped like a rock whenever three enemies looked at him at once. He is a self-immolating man in a dress.

    And he had the politest “heal me” and “rez me” going on. Slightly insistent but understanding the realities of incoming damage and healing and AP; in one case, I was the only healer in our scenario. He blew things up, he frequently blew up, and all were happy.

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